Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
