I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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