She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
