shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
