It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You need a sexual gate keeper
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
