he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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