dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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