saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
