His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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