i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
