it was like his penis was on wheels.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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