So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize