my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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