im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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