Having a random hookup so left but love u
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The best revenge is premature balding
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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