In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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