I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
