Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
