I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
