Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
