Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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