She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
