My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
