YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
