on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
