i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
