what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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