a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
