I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
