So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
my poor anus
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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