Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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