Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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