I wannas sexs uuuuu
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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