Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The power of my boobs compel you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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