I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize