if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
