where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
