New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
