Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dear god my vagina.
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