is your mom at the bar?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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