The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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