Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
