i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
