You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
