i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
