can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
well you can't waste a boner
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
