the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
