Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Drunk is not a location!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
