you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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