He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
