you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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