i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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