My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
