remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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