You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I love you. Go after that dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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