the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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