my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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