Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
