Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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