but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
