I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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