She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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