I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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