Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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