im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I deserve this hangover.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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