I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
