no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
