i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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