I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize