i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
