I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
