In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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