Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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