My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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