doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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