my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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