I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
