Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
