just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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